Over on Facebook, I've been updating my status with a "news story" for the last couple of days. Now, before I go deleting it off of my Wall (I hate Wall clutter), I'm going to copy it here so that I might remember the tragedy that occurred.

DAY 1: 12-10-08

3:45 AM: Jesse is fairly certain that Adam Clayton is being held hostage by the rest of U2 for a ransom of $200,000,000. Let's pray that he makes it out alive.

9:18 AM: New update on the Adam Clayton hostage crisis. Insider info suggests that an armed U2 has been supplemented with troops from Hootie and the Blowfish.

3:29 PM: In a surprising turn, Creed reformed in order to free captive Adam Clayton, but were brutally massacred by U2. And the people rejoiced.

6:44 PM: All hell has broken loose, literally, as John Lennon has come back from the dead to rescue Adam Clayton. Will Zombie John Lennon be successful?

9:15 PM: Oh no. Zombie John Lennon has infected Bono and the Edge, who have in turn created Zombie Hootie. They have devoured the Blowfish and Larry Mullen Jr.

DAY 2: 12-11-08

7:43 AM: Overnight, the Red Hot Chile Peppers, Jewel, and Tom Jones tried stopping Zombies Lennon, Bono, Edge, and Hootie, but were turned into zombies themselves.

9:48 AM: Adam Clayton is free thanks to the efforts of the Rolling Stones. The zombie musicians had no effect on the Stones, who have been dead for years. Hooray!